Back in the
early 90’s our family was going through a season of great uncertainty and a
complete career shift. God had asked my husband and me to step down from full-time
ministry after being youth pastors for six years and senior pastors for almost three years. The closest reason we could
think of why the Lord would ask this of us was the same purpose that Jesus had
to be led into the wilderness. In the
beginning stages of this season, we went through immense confusion and
unrest. There were many times we were
misunderstood, rejected, betrayed and despised.
This not only came from on-lookers but from many of our closest
allies. Many times I would think, “If
there was just some way to open up the invisible realm of our hearts and let
them see what’s really in there, they wouldn’t have this judgment about
us.” To say the least, our faith was
extremely tested.
There was
one particular day that I had just gotten home from an event and was so
frustrated. I went to the laundry room
to start a load of dirty clothes and remember thinking, “God, I just can’t do
this anymore. Why would you even allow
this?” Tears that I had cried so many
times weren’t even possible anymore. All
the pain had just settled into anger and revenge. It was not more than a millisecond when I
heard the voice of the Lord speak back to me and say, “Humble yourself under
the mighty hand of God, and in due time He will exalt you.” Wow…something supernatural flooded into me
that day. It started a resolve in my
inner being to cling to Him and to not put my trust in man or his ability to
promote me.
Needless to
say, after thinking this “wilderness sabbatical” would only last maybe six
months, we were kept there for six years under the direction of the Lord’s
loving voice. Over time our situation
became easier and easier. We adjusted to
not defending ourselves and learned to completely rely on God for our defense;
learning to put our entire trust in Him for every single move and decision we
made. The Holy Spirit took us through a rigorous fine-tuning of motives in great depth, stripping us of anything that we could
have taken the credit for or could have shown to be our own accomplishment of strength. And ultimately we learned the foundational truth
that we could not do anything unless we heard our Father tell us so. Sound familiar? Didn’t Jesus Himself say, “I only do what I
see my Father doing.”?
Fast forward
to our most recent years, the wisdom of the Lord in His development of our
lives and calling has become astounding.
We are able to hear the voice of God in much greater capacity. We don’t make the same mistakes we used to with
our actions or our words. Our
relationships exist in love and understanding and not in manipulation. We are able to see now who people really are on the inside before
they even realize who they are because we were emptied of accusation and
judgment. Where we had very few friends in our past, we now
have an abundance of family, friends and partnerships that we allowed the Lord
to bring into our lives when He was ready.
I find
myself saying over and over, “Isn’t God smart?!” To most of us that would seem like a
“DUH”?? But when we truly wait and
surrender to what God wants to do in us, even when it seems like it should go
faster, we yield a much greater reward of joy and peace. We begin to exist in contentment, confidence,
and love. Our need to control everything
around us dissipates, and the Lover of our soul finally becomes all we need.
Be
encouraged by this today. You may have
powerful ideas and dreams inside of you.
Your whole existence seems driven by it.
Day by day it grows and expands.
But without the container of character and the love of God, you will
never be able to fully accomplish it. Our
Father wants you to become more than you know.
He made you. And He’s actually
pretty excited about who you are about to become if you can dare to give Him
your self-will, self-reliance and man-made power. His ways of training you for your harvest are
higher than earthly ways.
Julie
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